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luke kurtis - the last happy days

from Georgia Dusk by luke kurtis & Dudgrick Bevins

/

lyrics

there was a time
when things were simple
days were happy
and i sat up in my room
looking down at the back porch
out across the fields
wondering what my life
would be like
in years to come

i was to follow
in my sister's steps
—school in Atlanta—
everything was ready
the acceptance set
i would move in at Georgia State
and make it my home
for at least a few years

but things didn't happen that way

the farm is a relic
a ruin
a bucket full of dirty water
tears caught
welling up from the pain of this place
the pain of hate withered
toiling beneath the ground
pushing up from graves
like skeleton coffins
coming back to life

i've forgotten what it was like
to wake up in those chains

i've made amends by leaving
behind those last happy days
sinking into the earth

when i was a boy
my father bought a wooden hot tub
with planks held together by large rings
the wood would swell
joined by grooves
making a pool to rest the body

when dad put together this tub
he filled it with water
—cold—from the well
and i jumped inside
eager to swim
paddling about
soon coming out
chilled

the tub never worked well
and soon fell into disrepair
another relic
another ruin
to sit around
and become part of this place
the extended landscape
of tractors and machines
and other broken things
left to wither

years after i moved away
dad cut down the planks
and made the tub into a garden bed
where mother tends to flowers

"where did you plant flowers this spring?"
i asked my mother recently
"out there in the hot tub," she replied
and i could see in her eyes
the joy of growing plants
and taking old things
to make something new

i remember a plant in the house
with leaves green like watermelon stripes
and a single dead strand
hanging down the side
—sad, dry—
a part of life transformed
—dying—

i thought, "that is me"
i thought, "i see myself in that plant"
and so i continued:
"this is life"
"that plant is—everything—"
"that plant is god"

it seemed odd, as if something had taken hold
among the smothering haze of family
that there might be something more
than what tradition taught

once again i thought, "that plant is god"

i walked to the mailbox
collected a new issue of Rolling Stone
flipping through pages
of articles and interviews
—music, news—
all the things teenagers do
to find themselves

i spread out the magazines
across my bedroom floor
looking at the Calvin Klein men
and wanting more

like the time when my best friend
spent the night
and we wrestled on the bed
teenage horseplay teasing
my hand reaching for his crotch
—i didn't mean any harm—
he pulled away in a violent jerk
backing into my dresser
where an antique glass jug
—a relic i had dug up in the barn—
came crashing to the floor
in a waterfall of pennies and dimes

"you'd better not have grabbed me on purpose,"
he chimed, eyes sharp in defense
"i didn't mean to!" i whined

though i did not regret the attempt
for it was the closest i had ever been
to touching another man's cock

the jagged jug
like an eloquent blade
stayed on my dresser
until after i moved away
and my room became a relic
like the rest of the farm

i look back on those days
before the exile
and think about that place
how it is part of who i am
how—even then—i was looking deeper
how the fields and streams
—the plants, the trees—
—nature's temple—
taught me how and who to be

it was a time
when things were simple
days were happy
and i sat up in my room
looking down at the back porch
out across the fields
wondering what my life
would be like
in years to come

and here i have traveled far
leaving behind the last happy days

yet still i remember them

credits

from Georgia Dusk, released November 20, 2022

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luke kurtis New York

luke kurtis is an interdisciplinary artist making experimental music Ideas are the root of his work, forgoing any signature style in favor of conceptually-driven aesthetics and design.

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